I can’t fucking share someone, god dammit I’m one selfish person. I want one person all to my self, their laughs and tears, I want to be the first person they tell when something happens, good and bad, I want to piss them off at 2pm, make up for it at 6pm, and to save them at 2am. I need some one all to my self or not at all.
Sometimes kink is therapeutic not because I cry or experience catharsis or work everything out, but because a small scene points out something about myself that’s hard and that I need to work on. J and I were playing over the phone and I felt like I was doing so badly and just failing and he so aptly pointed out “you’ve got a problem with expectations, you can’t worry about them so much”. And he’s right, like so right that I could only agree simply at the time. I do have a problem with expectations, particularly with assuming them, and it seeps into everything. But I don’t think I would have acknowledged that without the nudge.